Carolyn McCulley & Candice Watters Team Up

Yesterday afternoon Carolyn McCulley, author of Radical Womanhood and Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?, visited Focus on the Family here in Colorado Springs. She was there as a guest on Dr. Dobson's Focus on the Family daily radio program. She and Candice Watters, author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen chatted about single women and marriage. Although my husband Ted has known Carolyn for years and I've talked to her by email when I was on the first draft team for her book, Radical Womanhood, I'd never met her in person. So my daughters and I headed up to Focus to listen to the interview, show our support for both Carolyn and Candice, and met Carolyn.

What I heard of the interview—in-between keeping my baby happy—was really interesting. Carolyn and Candice discussed issues relating to singleness, living like you are preparing for marriage, and hope deferred. I thought their pairing up for the broadcast resulted in a great balance. Both women have desired marriage—Candice has seen it fulfilled; Carolyn is still waiting.

I'm not sure when the broadcast is scheduled to air, but encourage you all to listen to it when it does. It's not currently listed on the schedule, but upcoming broadcast information is available on the Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast website.

Focusing on the Good

I found Marian's response to our reader's question on how to find encouragement during that time of the month fascinating. The concept of a mikvah was completely new to me. I loved hearing not only the history and purpose of it, but how it's personally served to encourage her over the last year.

Being six months pregnant, I'm currently in a season where I don't have to deal with a monthly cycle. And I can't say I miss it! Over the years, I've struggled with feelings of inconvenience, discomfort, and annoyance when those five to seven days roll around. Just like Marian, it wasn't until the last year or so that I've found a reason or two to view it positively. The biggest one being what I'm experiencing right now: the ability to nurture and sustain a life inside my body. Even so, that doesn't mean I enjoy having a cycle, love the "battle scars" of bringing a precious new life into the world (a.k.a. pain in childbirth, stretch marks, and weight gain), or necessarily understand why we have to experience all of them.

So how do I find encouragement when I'm experiencing that time of the month, as well as through painful childbirth, stretch marks, and weight gain?

By trying—although not always succeeding at—focusing on the good.

What's the good in that time of the month? Well, in the midst of cramps and discomfort, I try to focus on the fact that for me, having a regular cycle points to a healthy body that's functioning as it should. Sure, it may be annoying, but I'd much rather deal with inconvenience than experience health problems. So I attempt to be thankful to God for my good health when I find myself ready to complain.

The same goes for these "battle scars," which have been the biggest struggle for me. In fact, I recently shared my thoughts on stretch marks and weight gain in an article on Radiant Magazine Online called "Beauty in Stretch Marks." In addition to what I mentioned in the article, which includes keeping the right perspective, when I'm tempted to question God, I remind myself that the wear and tear of my body wasn't in God's original design. Instead, it's a result of sin in the world. And instead of focusing on the fact that my body will never be the same as it was before I had kids, I look at my kids and I see the joy these battle scars have produced.

How about that painful childbirth? While the medical profession hasn't been able to completely remove the pain from giving birth, we live in a day and age much different than a hundred years ago. While there isn't agreement on the benefit of pain medication during childbirth—and frankly, I believe each woman is free to decide if she wants to use it during labor or not—I personally view it as a gift from God. One that helps ease that part of the curse. As a result, I find myself thankful that God, in His goodness, has given human beings the ability to design pain relievers.

In addition to focusing on the good, I've found it helpful to mentally and emotionally prepare for that time of the month, as well as for possible seasons of postpartum depression that can follow pregnancy. The ladies over at Girl Talk recently did a great series of posts on PMS prep. I highly recommend reading what they had to say.

What about all of you? How do you find encouragement? How would you respond to this question we received?

"What Was Intended for Evil, He Meant for Good?"

Ashleigh recently sent me a question from a reader that reads like this:

"Recently I have been struggling with thoughts about why God cursed women with their periods. It feels like He gave women two curses and men one. How do you deal with this fact? Are there any Scriptures that encourage you during your time of month? How do you feel that God cares during this time—since after all it is supposedly a time of our punishment? Why does he make women go through pain in childbirth/stretch marks/weight AND periods? God is loving. This does not add up. It troubles me."

She asked if any of us wanted to respond. A year ago I think my only answer to this question would have been a resounding, "AMEN!"

However, my view has changed substantially since becoming aware of the Jewish tradition surrounding the mikvah. In more ancient times, the mikvah was a humble place whose roots originate all the way back to the banishment from Eden, when some believe Adam sat in a river which flowed from the Garden in a physical act of repentance and cleansing. Since then, the mikvah has played a pivotal role in both the lives of men and women. Men and priests being ordered immerse in a mikvah before entering God's house. The mikvah was a gathering place where women celebrated one another. The mikvah was visited by both the bride and groom prior to the wedding.

However, more commonly, the mikvah has played an essential role in a Jewish woman's menstruation cycle. When a Jewish girl reached the age of menstruation, she was referred to with the term betulah, or virgin. This passage into womanhood was celebrated by a gathering of women and an introduction into the Jewish customs and rituals for womanhood. This immersion within a pool that was divinely fed (a mikvah was required to be either spring or rain fed), was a physical reminder of the divine cleansing and sustinence required for our soul. It is interesting to note that one of the requirements for immersion into the mikvah was that the individual must already be meticulously clean. From that moment on, during this young woman's menstrual cycle, life would never be the same again.

During this time of the month for a Jewish woman, she was relieved of her normal duties. She did not have to prepare meals and serve her family. She did not have to carry water from the well. There were no errands to run or grocery lists to fill. And what impacted me the most, was of course she was free from her wifely duties as well. Essentially, all she had to do was sit and rest and "enjoy" herself. This rest and abstinence was God ordered! What a way He has to care for us!

However, unless you are a practicing Jewish woman today, there aren't any mikvahs or celebrations. My husband has never ordered me to stop what I was doing at the onset of my period, offering a reassuring commitment to take over the household for the next seven days. In fact, I am usually met with a small scowl and a disapproving glance when sharing my physical state. Both of those reminding me that I have ruined his evenings for the next week.

However, I have begun to change those things for myself. Over the last year, I have begun to celebrate my womanhood at the onset of my period. I am grateful for my three children, who are a constant reminder that my cycle served its purpose and completed itself correctly. I have never seen a mikvah, but have begun to carefully bath and anoint myself toward the end of my cycle, in preparation both mentally and spiritually for the impending night my husband has so impatiently been waiting for. I also have a friend who purchases some of the oils and fragrances that were used in Biblical times for anointing. She simply uses them as a sensual way to make the night more distinct from others.

So, I hope that answers your question. Our womanhood, when viewed through the eyes of ritual and beauty can be seen as a blessing. In the Bible, blood was equated with life and sacrifice. I think that both of those find themselves in the definition of "woman."

*For more on this subject, I recommend a book, The Red Tent (although not biblically accurate, it's a beautiful historical celebration of womanhood). Also, there are some great sites which I gathered my information. These include Women in the Bible under '"Major events." Also, Chabad.org under the keyword "the mikvah." Under this search there are several written articles.