Beautiful Fear

"Fear not!"—it's been our motto on Ungrind this month. That is, until now. This week our focus shifts from overcoming fear to embracing it.

That's right, between its numerous instructions to "fear not," there is one fear the Bible instructs us to walk in—the fear of God. Lynette Kittle discusses it in this week's article, "Beautiful Fear." She writes:

A few years ago, I decided to do my own search on the fear of the Lord and was surprised by what I found. Unlike other fear that paralyzes, steals, destroys, and robs strength, there are beautiful benefits that come with fearing God such as wisdom (Psalm 111:10), knowledge (Proverbs 1:7), prolonged life (Proverbs 10:27), strong confidence and refuge (Proverbs 14:26), and a fountain of life (Proverbs 14:2).

Searching through scripture, I started to get it. Fearing God is not being afraid He is out to get me or waits to punish when I fail. Instead, it's respecting and submitting to what He says is right and true above everything else.

In her Boundless article, "Fight Fear with Fear," Suzanne Hadley offers additional insight on what it means to fear God. She explains:

There is one thing we are told to fear, however, and that is a Holy God. When Moses tore off his sandals and hid his face from "I Am," his response was absolutely appropriate. And though he feared speaking before Pharaoh and was anxious about how the Israelites would receive him, Moses feared God more.

A fear of the Lord protects us from foolish actions and motivates us to do things that rail against human wisdom. In "holy fear," Noah built the ark (Hebrews 11:7). Because they "feared God," the Hebrew midwives let the boys live when Pharaoh ordered they be killed. And Paul tells the Corinthians that their knowledge of what it means to fear the Lord is what motivates them "to persuade men" (2 Corinthians 5:11). In each of these cases, a fear of God obliterated lesser fears.

The fear of the Lord is a topic I wish we had more time to explore. We don't. In a few days, we'll start a new month and a new theme: friendship. But even as we dive into our upcoming discussion, I plan to hang on to this one; to continue to personally ponder what it means to fear God. I hope you'll do the same.

Ashleigh & Olivia

Her name was Olivia. She was a professor for one of the departments at the grad school I attended. I was that department's faculty secretary. She was in her late 30s or early 40s. I was in my 20s. Both of us were early risers, often at work at 6 a.m.

That fall in grad school marked the start of my first year on my own. I'd lived at home and enrolled in the local state university for undergrad. When I moved almost 1,000 miles away from my family to earn my master's degree, I found myself lonely and homesick. Tears were a regular companion. It was in this difficult season that Olivia and I forged a friendship.

Olivia not only prayed for me, but with me, regularly. She offered practical advice on how to balance class schedules, on my relationship with my now-husband, and what worship looks like in all aspects of life—all of it grounded in scripture.

What I didn't realize until years later is that Olivia served as a mentor in my life. She was an older, wiser women who helped me navigate the tricky waters of day-to-day in a time when my mom—who I'd always looked to for this—was not physically close.

I didn't understand back then what a mentoring relationship looked like. Today's Boundless article "Mentoring Myths" highlights misunderstandings I'm sure I held about these friendships. It's an article that further fuels my excitement for Ungrind's upcoming look at women mentoring women. In September, as we examine friendship, we have an interview with regular contributor Marian Green and her mentor, Karen Trigg. Then in October, during our discussion of authenticity, we'll run an article by Karen on the importance of transparency in mentoring relationships.

When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, Olivia planned a special tea in my honor. There she not only celebrated the upcoming birth of my first child, but she also reminded me to keep my marriage first.

We named that baby Olivia. At the time, I thought my love of the name was the basis for the choice, but as I reflect, I realize that perhaps it was my love of the woman who took me under her wing.

A Bunch of Scary Noises

When my son slept over at his friend's house last summer, "a bunch of scary noises" woke him up in the middle of the night. Nathan's irrational fear mixed with his overactive imagination—he is my son, after all—and the poor kid huddled in his sleeping bag, hid his face in his pillow, and cried quietly while his friend slept.

"I wanted to tell his dad," Nathan confided later. "But I didn’t because ... he’s not my dad."

Funny—We have a bunch of scary noises around our house at night, too, and Nathan doesn't hesitate to run to the safety of my room, and Andy's arms. But at someone else's house, with someone else's dad, the fear overwhelmed him.

It reminds me of Paul's words to Christ's followers in Rome: "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, Abba, Father." (Romans 8:15)

Oh, how much of my life has been wasted in slavery to fear! I can work up anxiety over everything from money to health to traffic. I've spent many nights just like Nathan did—crying quietly and completely terrified. At times, my fear has been so strong that it literally took my breath away.

But this is not what God intends, or the abundant life that Jesus gives. God wants me to bring my fears to Him and leave them there, instead of staying in slavery. In Christ, I "received the Spirit of sonship." Because of Jesus, I—like Nathan—can run to the safety of my Father.

Mail Order Boyfriend

Ungrind graphic designer Hayley Kittle—who yes, also happens to be my sister—recently put her creative energies to other uses. Her latest endeavor? A humorous short film titled Mail Order Boyfriend. I got a good laugh out of it and couldn't resist sharing it here. Enjoy!

Fearless Parenting

Oh the joys ... and pitfalls of parenting! Most of us grapple in finding the delicate balance between being a responsible parent and a fearful parent. How do we know when fear has taken the reigns?

Marian Green in "Harnessing Fear" discusses her journey in finding the balance. She writes:

Fear always cripples someone. In the case of parenting, I believe that it paralyzes both myself, and places unhealthy restrictions on my children. If I don't stop my worrying, it is likely they might rebel from under my control when they are old enough to realize what I am doing.

And Kelly Langner Sauer in "Parenting on Purpose: My Labor of Love" explores how to let go of fear and give our children the freedom God gives to us. Kelly writes:

As a parent, I have an opportunity to cultivate a safe place for my children to learn how to handle their freedom wisely, following God’s lead in fostering relationship with us. My loving Father is not waiting with punishment or intimidation when I do not choose wisely; His reproof is always meant to restore relationship with me. It is through that relationship that my heart is changed.

After reading the articles, we'd love to hear your thoughts on parenting fearlessly—whether through your own experiences as a parent, or how your parents taught you.

Just Call Me Alex

Fear—we've discussed it all month in our articles on Ungrind and in our posts here at Fresh Brew. With fear on the brain, I suppose it's no surprise that for our family movie night last week I'd pick out Nim's Island, a 2008 film that deals with that very issue.

While the film centers on the life of Nim—a young girl living on a remote island with her father Jack—for me, the more interesting character is Alex Rover, played by Jodie Foster.

Alex is the best-selling author of adventure books. The hero in her tales is an Indiana Jones wanna be who fearlessly travels the world, and just so happens to share her name. But in real life, she's nothing like the protagonist in her novels. Rather, she's an obsessive-compulsive agoraphobic who hasn't left her house in sixteen weeks—not even to fetch her mail. Alex has an unbalanced love of Purell hand sanitizer and lives on Progresso soup.

What struck me as I watched the film is how much I relate to Alex. Sure, I'm not an agoraphobic. Mail retrieval doesn't frighten me and I even have a plan mapped out to visit the zoo today. But, even so, there are times I struggle with irrational fear.

For example, after my third daughter's birth, I feared the common cold and flu as if it were the plague. As a result, I developed a dependency on hand sanitizer, hoping it would shield us from sickness. For half a year, I carried it with me whenever we left the house. I cleaned off cart handles with it. I used it anytime I touched a doorknob. I wouldn't let my older girls touch the baby after we'd been out, unless they'd cleaned their hands with it first. I used it in church after shaking people's hands. Sometimes I even had the urge to offer it to strangers. Once, I bought two different brands of it—four bottles total—in a single trip to Target.

The thing is, hand sanitizer is a good thing when approached with balance. The problem is I put too much stock in it. I put my trust in a what—much like Alex—to protect my family from harm and not in the Who it should have been rightly placed in. For me, hand sanitizer provided a method of control. I could control—or so I believed—the sickness my children came in contact with and therefore keep them safe.

My baby is now one. I no longer compulsively buy or apply hand sanitizer, but I do still carry a bottle of it around in my diaper bag. While it doesn't protect us from all sickness—my baby has a cold now—it does cut down on the bugs we catch. Like Alex, I've come to see that irrational fear and the control it exerts doesn't bring us freedom. Instead, it can keep us from enjoying life—not to mention, eat up well-earned money on excessive amounts of hand sanitizer.

Slaying the Giant of Fear

Before I became a stay home mom, I enjoyed working at Turning Point with pastor and author, Dr. David Jeremiah. One of his series was called "Slaying the Giants in Your Life."

The first giant was fear. People are afraid of many things ranging from change, spiders, going outside, public speaking, and death.

When you're afraid, one of the things Dr. Jeremiah suggests is reciting Scriptures that combat fear like 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." And Matthew 10:31, "Do not fear therefore; you are more value than many sparrows."

There's nothing like the truth found in God's Word to comfort any fears you may have today!

By the way, if you'd like to read more about slaying the giant of fear and other giants like worry, procrastination, and jealousy, I highly recommend Dr. Jeremiah's book or series on CD titled, Slaying the Giants in Your Life.

Lie to Me

The protagonist in all good stories battles an arch enemy—that opponent or adversary who seeks to destroy him or her at each twist and turn along the way. There's Batman and the Joker. The Pevensie children and the White Witch. Frodo and the Ring. Even Dora and Swiper.

In the story of my life, I'm often my own biggest enemy. Sad, but true. The lies I feed on about myself and about God can hinder me in my journey. I've discovered, after talking to other women, that I'm not alone. Like me, they too have struggled with lies and their faithful sidekick "fear."

This week's articles examine the lies we tell ourselves and the fear that results.

In "Rewriting Tragedy," Danielle Ayers Jones shares how the disintegration of her parents' marriage led her to believe that successful marriages don't exist. With this lie, she "felt doomed to the same failure." And in "Lie to Me," I discuss how playing the comparison game led to me doubting God's goodness.

So grab that cup of coffee (or, tea) and read this week's articles. Then share your thoughts with us. We'd love to hear from you!

Fear Q & A

Fear is a big issue for me. My lack of faith keeps me from knowing and experiencing Jesus completely. Can you relate? Let's talk about fear.

What is your greatest fear? What do you worry about the most?

I worry about my husband's faithfulness and my kids' faith a lot. I think these things bother me the most because I can't control them. I have to trust, and that's scary.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I would love my kids and husband deeply—all the way!—and not guard my heart because I'm afraid of being hurt. I’d also write a book, and quit making excuses about why I don't. (I could write a book of the excuses I've made!)

What steps do you take to conquer your fear?

There are certain movies that I don't let myself watch anymore. I have a few friends with whom I limit my time, simply because I'm more fearful and pessimistic when I'm too influenced by them. But by far, scripture memorization and meditation brings me the most hope and comfort. Only God's truth strengthens me against overwhelming fear.

Share a favorite scripture on fear.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Let us hear your thoughts on fear. Answer one or all of these questions in the comments!

When Fear Comes Knocking

Fear is an emotion that not only knocks on our door seeking to persuade us to let it enter, but tries to break it down when we resist—regardless of how many scripture passages we memorize or how wise we attempt to be in our decisions.

Yet, God tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 that He has not given us a spirit of fear. So how do we handle it?

Jessica Boling in "The Invisible Monster" talks of how fear of the unknown taunted her while she waited to move to a foreign country. She writes:

Every morning of that summer, I woke up and questioned the decision to go. The fear said terrible, accusatory things. It said I was going to fail. It told me God would be unfaithful. Fear illumined every escape route and said to give up the plans before they began to materialize. The invisible monster told me that it's better not to take risks, because the bigger the risk, the more epic the failure.

And Christina Holder in "Night Terrors" explores her experience in a foreign land when fear became a reality and turned into terror. Christina writes:

For the next several months, I struggled with fear and paranoia. I didn't trust many people, believing that someone had targeted me and was gaining money by having terrorized me. For months, I couldn't sleep alone. I jumped at loud noises. I often thought I heard people trying to open my door. I kept a machete under my bed.

Let us know what you think of this week's articles and how you've handled fear, whether imagined or real, when it has knocked at your door.